lynikpink: I totally relate to your post; my family has been very vocal about the shape of my nose throughout my life and I'm planning on getting it done soon; I can't help it at this point. So I would have to say that it is very present in many other Asian societies too (I'm Chinese). I think it's awesome that you can overlook this in yourself and your friend; she's lucky to have you.
Aww I’m so sorry to hear that. Whoever you are, I’m sure you’re beautiful the way you are. :( I’m sorry that your family pushed you to that level. I find it hard to understand when family members say negative things about their own child. I guess it’s a culture thing, but I think that’s one of the negative side of it.
I hope you find your confidence in your own way.
Let me tell you about my best friend: she’s absolutely smart, hard working, and inspirational. She has so many entrepreneurial(?) ideas, it amazes me. She is so aware of worldly issues, especially of Korea, which makes me aware too. She makes me a better person in so many ways. Plus she is so pretty, and I love how her effortless hair looks so stylish. She has a nice voice and I love talking to her because we get along incredibly well. I’m so happy to have her as my best friend.
But her confidence has been going low because people around her keep giving her shit about her looks. Her mom, and these two Oppas we recently got to know. She likes one of them, which makes things worse when he says stuff like, “Your shoulders are too wide,” or, “Your nose is kinda flat.”
Her exes also said shit like, “How come you don’t put on makeup when you meet me?” “Why don’t you wear nicer clothes instead?” I think her style is really awesome and her makeup looks great. Yet people around her had and have been cruel to her by throwing those words at her.
So even if I say stuff to counterattack their points, she can’t hear me. She only remembers the bad things people said to her, and it brings her down.
It’s funny, all these people are Koreans. I suppose in Korea, people say that kind of things to each other; “You’re fat.” “Your forehead is too wide.” But don’t they know that those words hurt? Don’t they know that those words start to wear them down? I read it in a psychology study that Asian people have the least amount of confidence. Do we really need to bring each other down like this any more than where we are?
I don’t understand why fellow Koreans do this to each other. No, scratch that. I don’t understand why some people do that to each other (one of my ex also lamented about my looks and how I’m not that cute). I don’t understand why “perfection” in looks is so idolized.
There needs to be a change in these attitudes while fostering lowered confidences.